Published March 26, 2009
Why can't anyone sing for joy anymore?
Where have all their voices gone?
I need to find myself again,
And I can't do that without the world's songs.
I need the music that the world creates,
But everything, everyone, is quiet.
The world has faded away,
And I'm sitting in an abyss of silence.
The heavens' orchestras have ceased playing.
The stars' choruses have stopped singing.
Everything is still.
But there, a tiny whisper, a sliver of sound.
It's as soft as a butterfly's flutter,
But as loud in the silence as a light is in the cloaking darkness.
It flies around the earth,
Touching every silent soul, every still instrument.
Everything it touches echos with the past joy it held.
Slowly the sounds become louder and louder,
Cresendo-ing into a magnificent note.
Then, slowly, the different notes begin to intertwine,
Circling arond and around each other.
The basses and cellos croon out the meloncholy lines,
And the violins and piccolos cry out the highest parts.
The drums pound out the heartbeat,
Clarinets and Horns fill in the missing pieces.
And still on and on it goes,
Each instrument adding its own part to the masterpiece.
Then the voices rise,
Each singing in its own tongue.
They slip in and out of the instruments,
And together they make the most beautiful sound known.
The world has gotten its voice back,
And I have found myself again...
...in the music.
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Thank ya'll so much! *and yes, I do know ya'll isnt really a word. but I'm from the south, what do you expect?*
And yes, Pirate, I actually did enter this in a contest, but had to shorten it to be able to meet the requirements, then I lost the original copy! *gasp!!* This was my poor attempt at bringing it back to life. *sad face* Wasnt that great was it?
Jon, thank you so much!!! I'm very...I'm not exactly sure what I am, but your advice helps me a lot. Could you please tell me how I can get to where I can edit this?
To the rest of you, thank ya'll so much! *again*
Wow. This was a great poem. I loved the rhythm and the word choices. Its super pretty, especially with the theme of music to it. Gold Star!
~Storm
I'm a huge fan of classical music. It's so peaceful. So graceful. Just like this poem of yours. I loved it. It was getting right to the point. I like that. But there are a few things I suppose aren't necessary. Well, first, I'd like to suggest to add more punctuation. Second, which is last, I'd make some lines shorter or break them up into little lines. Well, that is pretty much it.
Okay, so maybe I'm not the harshest critic, but all I can say is WOW! That really was amazing! It sort of draws you into another world. I can almost hear the music. You did a wonderful job. There were some parts in the very beginning that could use a bit of tweeking, but all in all in was wonderful. I would even suggest entering it into a poetry contest.
I'm a big fan of music and sound, so this poem has already struck a chord within me haha.
It was nicely put, and the poster above me basically covered anything I would've already said. But congratulations, this is a great poem.
Hi Music! I'm Jon
I think the first line is just a tad too long. I would just get rid of the 'anymore' and then add a comma after 'joy'. If/When you do that, the poem will start off a little better.
Maybe you can try to shorten the last line. You could take out everything and perhaps put in 'The song inside me has left.'
I think that you should have made the last line a bit more personal. The effects that the music leaving had on you.
This line is getting a bit redundant. Change it up a little and still have it the same thing. For example, 'I need the world's song and strength'
Yes?
This was one of my favorite stanzas in the poem. I like how you use the word 'abyss' Some great imagery here.
Should be, 'The Heaven's orchestra has ceased.'
'The star's chorus is no more.'
Something along those lines will help improve the stanza.
Shorten this way up. You could possibly add some of this line to the following line. Whatever you do you have to shorten this.
This would sound better as 'It crescendos'.
'Meloncholy' should be 'Melancholy' Other than that, this was a great line!
Shorten this line up too. You could say' Together, they make chords of christening glory'
In the second line at the end just use a dash. (-)
Get rid of the ellipsis at the beginning of the last line. Capitalize 'In'
All in all, this was a good poem. This can be a lot better than it is. I would love to see what you can do with this poem, it could be fantastic!
My pleasure,
---Jon---